he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Randomize
