Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
