Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
