i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
