Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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