i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
