I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize