If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
