dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
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