Where did you get a picture of my penis
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
