pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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