That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
