my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
