I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Are we still banned from the library?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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