Are we in a gay sports bar?
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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