The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
