I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
