I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
