I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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