So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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