You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
