it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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