these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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