Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
well you can't waste a boner
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
