perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
false alarm. still invincible.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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