u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
