Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
