It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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