Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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