OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
