I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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