Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
