he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
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