he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
