'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
