I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
