Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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