Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
