i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
