that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
