You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize
