It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Pants are for mortals
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
