omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
