I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
