It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
