Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
whose parrot is this?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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