Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
We left an ass print on the piano.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
