I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
She needs sedatives and a leash
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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