do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
