I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
