i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
