I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize