the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
