LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
