Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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