Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
