Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Randomize
