Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
