she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
