Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
you had me at cake vodka
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize