is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Randomize
