neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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