this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
