My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
