barbara walters just said penis...
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
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