Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
