quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
