You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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