I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
