enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
