So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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