I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
