D3 body, D1 cock
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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