i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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