I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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