obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
