you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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