I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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