Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
sarcasm needs its own font
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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