i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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