I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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