The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
