you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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