I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize