This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
