would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Acid is not a monday night drug
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
