U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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