I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
