God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
