I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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