That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
