so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
