She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
