I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
