No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
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