why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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