Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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