My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
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