I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
