i think i have two assholes
Barsexuality is the new black.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
