This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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