Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Green mimosas i think yes
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
