Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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