I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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