we're chasing vodka with high fives
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
